If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
