I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
