do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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