I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
