Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
