I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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