Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
