if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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