I'm jealous of your bromance
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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