You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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