Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
