I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
