The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
