Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
