how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
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She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
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I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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