dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
