Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
