Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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