I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
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