U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
The ass gains better be worth it
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
