BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
