They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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