He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
