I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
