i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
