Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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