Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
