The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I think i got beer on your cat.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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