Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
