I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I smell stomach acid.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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