is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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