oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
