What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
