Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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