worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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