she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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