well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
