I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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