I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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