I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize