I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
