If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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