True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
is wine microwaveable?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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