yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
