How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
