Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
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He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
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My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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