Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
