I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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