i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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