Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
