Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
