i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
