i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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