i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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