My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
