i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
