I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
