Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Randomize
