We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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