I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
