I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
