whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
