Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
