So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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