I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Buhtt sex?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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