Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
