apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
