Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
