He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
