You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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