glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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