Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
