i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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