Got a toothbrush?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
