Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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