birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
