Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The power of my boobs compel you
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
