Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
