So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you win again, gameday.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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