I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
