I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
