Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The air was thick with penises
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
did i just pee glitter
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
