I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
